182.4. Fail

[zedblaze]

The incredible fail of sitting out on the balcony having a smoke in a onesie freezing my ass off with a one-legged pigeon staring at me #partyinghard

Comments

[bemydownfall]

I named that pigeon Fred. He's out there because I gave him bread crumbs last time I went out to smoke.

[zedblaze]

You know pigeons are vermin, right?

[bemydownfall]

Well... yeah, but I felt sorry for him because he only had one leg and it's cold and he looked hungry.

[zedblaze]

Then you're on pigeon shit clean-up duty.

[bemydownfall]

I can do that anyways. I don't mind. Then I'll just have to shower after so I don't get banned from cuddling duty.

[zedblaze]

I think I'm good dealing with just one disease this week.

[bemydownfall]

Yeah, I'd have to agree with that. I don't want to add to the crap way you're feeling. ♥ I'd rather make the snuggles and the making sure you're warm and hydrated as much as possible.

[zedblaze]

You don't have to stay here all the time, you know. I'll be okay, you should try to keep your own life together. I don't know how long I'm going to take to get back on my feet.

[bemydownfall]

I know I don't have to be. I can do a lot of my work from anywhere, aside from when I have to go in for meetings and stuff. I'm just really glad I'm getting a second chance to be part of your life, and I like being able to stay close. On the flip side, I don't want to be overwhelming and hang around like a bad smell, either.

[zedblaze]

I do still need time alone. The quiet and solidarity keeps me grounded. I was on my own for so long that it became a large part of me.

[bemydownfall]

I know. And I also know you have your family and other friends, and they'll all want to see you and check on you. I know there has to be balance with everything.

[zedblaze]

They generally all give me space. It's just how I am these days. Richie was sort of the exception to the rule. I rang him looking for his mom.

[bemydownfall]

Fair enough. Thank fuck he did, too. What made you call his mom?

[zedblaze]

Are you pissed? I don't know. I don't remember any of it very clearly. She's a doctor, I guess I panicked.

[bemydownfall]

No. I'm not pissed at all. I just know you've changed a lot since I knew you before, and I want to get to know you as you are now so I can be the kind of friend and hopefully lover that you need. I'm learning you. That's all. A doctor makes sense. I'm just glad that you did call for help.

[zedblaze]

I had to change. I didn't have a choice. She's more like an aunt to me. My mom is her best friend. It took a lot of getting used to having family who cared.

[bemydownfall]

I'm glad you have that here. You were always this amazing person. It was fucked up that your family couldn't see and appreciate that.

[zedblaze]

My family do see it. The people I spent my childhood with, I don't give a fuck what they don't see.

[bemydownfall]

I can't blame you there. They didn't give fucks when they should've been. Why should you give fucks now?

[zedblaze]

They don't. They think I'm dead. Apparently they went to my funeral thing... whatever it was where there no body.

[bemydownfall]

Yeah. They were there. So was I. Your mom accused your dad of murdering you.

[zedblaze]

He could have. In a way, he did. I don't know why she gave a fuck if he did, though.

[bemydownfall]

I don't know, either. It almost felt like she was trying to make out her grief was worse than anyone else's. I don't even know. I remember it pissed me off.

[zedblaze]

What grief? She was glad to be short of me. She thought I was an asshole for not taking her side.

[bemydownfall]

Hell if I know. You know your mom. It was all about the show.

[magicmelody]

Living the hight life, I see, bub.

[zedblaze]

That's me. Total drugged up hardass party fucker. I could sell my Pepto on the black market. You okay? Haven't heard from you.

[magicmelody]

Totally badass, bitch. Rock on. I'm a bit okay. Didn't wanna crowd you. I knew you would have that at you from all angles with your family and Mr Fifty Shades of Grey, whoever he is.

[zedblaze]

You know me so well. I should've called you, I know. Just felt kinda stupid over the whole thing, you know? I grew up with him. It's a complicated as fuck situation.

[magicmelody]

No you shouldn't have. We've always had a deal on that. You're not obligated to tell me anything unless you want to. I knew you'd eventually talk to me about it, when you were ready. Don't feel stupid. You know I'm not judging you for anything and I never will. Complicated = emotionally taxing?

[zedblaze]

Yeah, I know. Just never intentionally want to fuck with the heads of people I love. I was just... rock bottom, I guess. Got too fucking much. More like, emotionally crippling on top of everything else.

[magicmelody]

I know that, bub. You don't have a destructive bone in your body. You never wanted to burden your family, and always thought you were. How are you doing now?

[zedblaze]

Just self-destructive, apparently. They've done so much for me. Feeling like shit and exhausted, but not as messed up in the head. I miss you.

[magicmelody]

Something almost impossible to control, so don't beat yourself up. And they will keep doing so much for you because you're their family. Want me to come around tomorrow? We can hang out and cuddle.

[zedblaze]

That'd be nice. You're not busy? Or is that a stupid question because I've rendered you unemployed?

[magicmelody]

I'm not unemployed. I have the next issue of my comic out next week. I have plenty to keep me occupied. I've had more time to draw, it's been fine. Don't get your knickers in a knot over that. I'd like to see you for a bit, bub.

[zedblaze]

Okay, good. Do I get my usual advanced copy? Then it's a date. Just make it sort of late morning or lunch time ish. Mornings are hell for me at the moment. It seems to be when I feel the most sick. And no, because you pull a Jax and ask, I'm not preggo.

[magicmelody]

Of course you do. You can become an eBay mogul with them in two decades when I'm rich, famous and eccentric. Are you minimising how you really are, hon? I'm getting minimising vibes. The world isn't ready for a mini ZB yet anyway.

[zedblaze]

You know my secret evil genius plan, damnit. Um, yeah, maybe. I guess on some level I am. A lot of it is just resolved to knowing I have to deal, though.

[magicmelody]

I read your mind, bitch. Don't you know? That's not always an easy feat when you're feeling like shit, though.

[zedblaze]

Is this a witchy Wiccan thing? You must have a field day reading my mind. Yeah, I know. It's not. Not much of anything is easy right now.

[magicmelody]

Totally. We're all about the mind control. You were dramatically sparse on the sexual fantasies. So, you think you're Positive?

[zedblaze]

Yeah, yeah. Only, even if that were true, I know you wouldn't use it on me. I haven't really thought about sex in ages. Except hating on myself for doing it when I got trashed. Mm, yeah. I'm holding some small bit of hope, but I think it's pointless. I screwed up big time, Meli.